Thursday, April 21, 2011

My mermaid story!

Ok, so today I was writing a story about a mermaid girl. My class and our group had to make an outline of a story and I got really into it and started writing it. I don't know what it's going to be called yet, but it's getting pretty good! XD I have Chapter 1 done. So here it is:

        Marina looked up at the sky above the ocean. The image of her mother flooded back into her mind again. The fresh face with jet black and ocean blue eyes appeared, faded in her mind.
         “I will always be here”, Marina faintly heard from the faded image of her mother. A pang in Marina’s heart appeared. That’s all she remembered of her mother.
         Marina had always dreamt of her mother. Her father, Marlin, had told her that she was caught in fishing nets and killed.
          Marina flipped her tail and swam back to her home. Her little sister Aquamarine was playing with some sort of sponge toy.
          “Hey dad”, Marina said quietly.
          “Hey Marina! You were supposed to be here an hour ago!” Marlin said firmly.
          “I’m sorry Dad, I was… thinking about things..”
          “Ooooh!  Marina’s in trouble!” Aquamarine interjected.
         “Hush, Aqua”, Marina said softly.
         “Well, don’t break curfew again”, Marlin said sternly.
         “Yes, father.”
         “I talked with Warner today.”
         “Warner?! Ugh! I can’t stand  him! Or his son- William!”
         “Well, you know when you turn 18 you have to marry William!”
           Prearranged marriages were something the Pacifican government believed in. Many unhappy couples were married, but on occasion the marriage turned out as very healthy marriage.
          “Dad, why did you have to pick William?! Out of all the fish in the sea, you HAD to pick him?!”
         “I know he’s not your choice, but he’s a very nice boy, and his father is a great man.”
         “No he’s not! He’s evil! Let me spell it out for you, E-V-I-L!”
         “Marina, nobody’s evil.”
         “When you see the terrible things Warner does, you’ll change that statement!”
         “Marina, stop it! Warner doesn’t do anything wrong!”
         “Yeah, so how come that innocent school of guppies died? Warner was at the scene of the crime!”
         “Warner didn’t kill them! He was just a witness! They’ve already convicted Mishell Waterman of the crime!”
         “Mishell is innocent!! I’ve talked to her! They convicted her of a crime she didn’t commit! Warner lied at the trial! And you defended him!!” Marina yelled.
         “Marina, calm down.”
         “Calm down?! There’s an innocent school teacher in prison and you want me to calm down!”
        “Marina, we’re not going to discuss this any further!!”
       Marina just rolled her eyes. It had been a couple of months since the trial about the guppies. It was a terrible event. Thirty-two three-year-old guppies had been murdered. Warner tried to flee the crime scene, but Marina knew it was him. Warner can lie. He can lie like a rug on the ocean floor. Marlin was a defensive lawyer, and he defended Warner in the trial. The sad thing was that Marlin believed everything Warner said.
      Marlin was good friends with Warner. Little had Marlin known, Warner was using him. Marlin controlled the tides of the ocean. He was the only one in all of Pacifica that controlled the tides. The kingdom had presented him with an official role of controlling the tides of the kingdom. Marlin had this magical moonstone, that was made into a necklace, that controlled the tides. But, only Marlin could control it properly.
    If the stone gets into the wrong hands, then chaos will rage the seas, and he would have full control of Pacifica, making their own dictatorship. Marina could tell that Warner wanted the stone- badly. He yearned for power. That moonstone was exactly what he needed.
    Marina knew that her father was too blind to see Warner’s true intentions. Marina had to find a way to stop Warner. But how?

 So that's Chapter 1! How do you like it? Please leave any comments about the story and how to make it better for future chapters!! Thanks! 

   -Rachel (Queen Karina)


  1. Wow!!! That's really cool!!! You've got a great plot already, and I love how you put your story question in the end of the first chapter. Excellent job! I liked the characters. Aqua sounds like my sister. ;P I have one suggestion, maybe you can describe it a little more? Like, explain what Marina and Aqua and Marlin look like, where they live, everything that happens like that. ;)

    I think it's really cool with Mermaids. Mermaids have been a.....weakness of mine. xD I love them. :P I actually have a story started that is a mermaid sort of story. I came up with the concepts and plot and everything, I just need to keep writing. :P You should keep going with this story! I'd love to learn more about your characters and find out what happens!!!!! :D Nice job!

  2. Thanks Jedi~Chick! I will give you the descriptions of the characters.

    Marina: A 17 year old mermaid. She's a beautiful girl with long jet black hair with a touch of blue highlights. She also has a purple tail. She's adventurous and a little bit of a rebel.

    Aquamarine: She's Marina's 9 year old half sister. She has a different mother than Marina. She has short brunette hair that falls at her shoulders. She has a blue tail. Her nickname that everyone calls her is Aqua.

    Marlin: Marina and Aqua's father. He can be a bit stern, but he only wants the best for his children. He is good friends with Warner. He is the controller of the tides with the magical moonstone. Warner is just using him.

    Ok so thats the descriptions! Here's the setting:
    In the Pacific ocean in the kingdom called Pacifica. It is off the coast of California!

    Oh, and Marina has a love interest later in the book, and it's not William! XD

  3. nice!! That's really cool! I like how you described Marina. She sounds pretty! :)
    I like the way you described everything! :D Thank you!! I hope you keep writing! And Love interests are always good. :D LOL!

    Oh, and maybe someday you'd want to read my mermaid story?? xD If you want. I haven't written that much, but I've been recently inspired by you. :)

  4. Aww, I inspired you? *hugs* I would LOVE to read it!! I love mermaid stories!! XD
    -Rachel (Queen Karina)

  5. Haha, awww!! :D *hugs back* Thanks! I'll probably PM it to you on Lakehouse. :D I love them too. xD
    Jedi~Chick <333

  6. Ok! I can't wait to read it!!! :D
    -Rachel (Queen Karina)

  7. I sent it to you on Lakehouse! ;)

  8. Oooh yes! I saved it on my computer cuz I didn;t have time to read it right then!!
    I just read it!
    OH MY GOSH! You are an AMAZING writer! I am SOOO impressed!! I can so see that being a book!! A best-selling book! You have a great plot going on! Great characters! And your descriptions a wonderful and detailed to perfection!! You should really consider a career as an author when you grow up! You are TRULY a wonderful writer!!!
    -Rachel (Queen Karina)


Comments are much appreciated! Thanks for keeping it clean!! :D